This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
