Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
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Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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