I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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