i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
