Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
