that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i love accidental penises.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
