hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
