Kiss
Puke
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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