Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
