Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
