i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.