they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.