Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light

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  (704): Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light http://tfl.nu/mxes
  Replies (8) Good night (1800) Bad night (536)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..

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  (325): i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits.. http://tfl.nu/taa7
  Replies (24) Good night (672) Bad night (2378)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"

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  (201): You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here" http://tfl.nu/hp38
  Replies (18) Good night (7066) Bad night (745)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster

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  (484): im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster http://tfl.nu/zma4
  Replies (14) Good night (5385) Bad night (982)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

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  (902): I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/vppz
  Replies (13) Good night (5977) Bad night (1062)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?

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  (917): your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin? http://tfl.nu/252o
  Replies (16) Good night (4040) Bad night (2125)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.

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  (501): I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus. http://tfl.nu/lpxj
  Replies (19) Good night (4515) Bad night (1964)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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  (248): That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that. http://tfl.nu/u3z8
  Replies (7) Good night (2358) Bad night (1418)
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  (714): View more from California

  Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.

  (1-714): View more from California

  If he was naked that was me.

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  (714): Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed. (1-714): If he was naked that was me. http://tfl.nu/ou2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4851) Bad night (699)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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  (314): I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments http://tfl.nu/h9el
  Replies (7) Good night (564) Bad night (1292)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them

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  (978): we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them http://tfl.nu/sa9n
  Replies (8) Good night (1517) Bad night (570)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.

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  (904): You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award. http://tfl.nu/86ud
  Replies (3) Good night (1373) Bad night (805)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good

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  (519): He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good http://tfl.nu/g2kf
  Replies (3) Good night (1169) Bad night (372)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Challenge accepted

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  (610): The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar (614): Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/nyy2
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (374)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex

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  (207): He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex http://tfl.nu/e8rm
  Replies (0) Good night (517) Bad night (347)

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