i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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