Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it