He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.