you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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