he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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