I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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