false alarm. still invincible.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
