I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
