Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
