just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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