2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
