I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
