I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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