I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
