I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
