i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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