my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
