i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
