Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
