I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
