i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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