just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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