did you get engaged???
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
