spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
