nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
