I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
honey bunches of taint.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
