So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just had sex on a roof
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