after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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