How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
