fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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