when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
