you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
