My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
