miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
