Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
