so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
