For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
