i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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