I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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