God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
