I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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