and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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