Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
