theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
