She just used a chaser for red wine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
