the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
