Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Shame is for Republicans.
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