OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
