So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
