Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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