I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
