It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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