a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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