Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
