your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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