lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
