Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
