I am puke
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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