i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
