Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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