dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
