it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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