Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
