Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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