Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
