You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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