i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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