I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
