i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
