its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
