thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
