the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
