my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
