Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
