I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
