We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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