Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
