the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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