The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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