just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The power of my boobs compel you
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
