dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
