Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We have started to decorate penises.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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